I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
