You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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