So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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