I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
