I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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