my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize