my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
