Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
