i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
