she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
