So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
