So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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