you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
