Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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