Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
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How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
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my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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