he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just crazy horny about you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
