she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
