I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
