I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
