Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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