I wanna passion pit in your ass
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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