Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
