i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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