She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
