Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
