so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
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i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄