If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
