i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.