How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"