Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Randomize
