Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
