How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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