the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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