last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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