I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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