Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
