im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
