So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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