Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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