please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
