If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
