You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
