Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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