I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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