We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
