she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
