just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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