her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
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We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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