Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
