can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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