"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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