So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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