my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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