A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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