capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
