Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
