Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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