Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
