The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
