So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
