none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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