Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
