Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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