i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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