Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
