i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Sober January is a disaster.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
