Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
